Toward the Center

136 people showed up. At once.

For a shiva unlike any I’ve ever witnessed.  136 people connected, interconnected, each one ascribed a box on the screen.  And a rabbi, near Baltimore Maryland, let’s just say he was not a digital native, led us through weekday maariv, the evening service. 136 people,some muting themselves, some blissfully unaware of a mute button, many writing in the chat box, trying to teach the rabbi how to mute everyone who seemingly couldn’t do it themselves.  Usually at a shiva, there’s a stream of comforters visiting the mourner. Connections coming in and out of focus. But here, in ‘gallery view’, the connections were written on the faces of the mourners and comforters, happening all at once, across generations, geography, family tree, and across 3 pages of punims, of faces.  The ikar of the mitzvah, the essence of shiva came through loud and clear.

These past few days, many of us connected creatively, used familiar technology in unfamiliar ways, in week 1 of what will probably be a long haul.   (To hear more about the Torah of uncertainty, check out Rabbi Noa’s drash from last Shabbat here). These connections have been a balm, a salve, a silver lining.   Many of us used these channels to reconnect with those at the center of our lives and hearts, from whom we have drifted. It’s like we pressed the redemptive ‘re-center’ button on google maps, once again seeing the blue path leading us to who and what is at the center.

This Shabbat, we build creative connections in the last 2 parashiyot of the book of Exodus.  They tell the story of how we, as an Israelite community, built the mishkan, the tabernacle, the portable shul in the wilderness, according to God’s blueprint and instruction manual.  

God begins the instructions with the ikar/essence of the whole enterprise, and the physical center of the building: the Kodesh Kodashim, the Holy of Holies.  God hones in on the path, by starting with the destination.  The innermost point. And perhaps God leads with the holy of holies to warn us: “You will get lost in the busyness of construction, the hundreds of poles, loops, snaps, meetings, notifications, school applications, unemployment applications, news updates, deadlines, details.  Remember what is at the center. Protect what is at the center”  

What is at the center?  What’s in the Holy of Holies?  This enclosed space measured in handbreadths, not in square feet?   It is the beginning of divine communication. You could call it our DNA. 

At the gossamer point between angels’ wings, God speaks in God’s native tongue to us, and through an electromagnetic process involving transmitters and antennae, we listen, we communicate, connecting heaven and earth.

And we carry our history, our stories, our laws, who we want to be in the world--all inscribed on the two tablets in the ark in the holy of holies. Not only do we carry our complete 2nd set of tablets, but alongside them we hold the broken first set. Our aspirations alongside our vulnerabilities, our brokenness, our fear.  They all live in our holy of holies.  

Who built this inner sanctum?  We all did. As opposed to the rest of the mishkan, which is erected in the second person singular, the ark is built in 2nd person plural.  We all built the ark. Each of us contributed something different.

AND It is a protected place.  Because the kodesh kodashim is the center of everything, who can enter and when is highly restricted...in order to keep it holy.

In our stark new reality, without our accustomed distractions, some of us have caught glimpses of our holy of holies.  Some of us have sought connection and comfort within intimate relationships gone distant in the recent past. Some of us have moved far from the holy of holies.  We are terrified. Of losing jobs, of Political insecurity. of loneliness. Some of us are in all of these places at once. Some of us, against our will, have been thrust into close quarters with family, roommates, unwanted guests, flailing as we aim for civil, never mind divine, communication.  

With everything going on, it is easy to mistake zoom for the holy of holies, (it’s a great tool, but it isn’t the thing itself.  Don’t become a zoombie).

We need to remember what belongs in the holy of holies right now, and what does not. It’s a small space, you can’t fit much there.  Let’s choose wisely. It’s a precious space, where raw communication happens. With words...images...silence...song.

And remember, we build the holy of holies together.  Not in the 2nd person singular. All of us. And perhaps us Kitchenites are particularly poised for this: because we do not have a building, we know how to be scrappy, to move from place to place.  it allowed us to build from the inside out. To carve out our holy of holies -- focus on connection. On caring for one another. Within our community and beyond.

If we search for it, if we protect it, it is there for us.  Even now.

Back on the shiva zoom call, I noticed something different... people showed up online in a new way.  more present. Those of us who usually have 3 tabs open, and scan the news while talking to a parent, stayed focused.  We opened a portal to the holy of holies, and didn’t get distracted on our way in or out. We held our mourners through to kaddish.

If we were in shul this Shabbes, as soon as Marilyn would finish chanting the final verse of the book of Exodus, we would all call out together: Hazak hazak v’nithazek!  Strong! Strong. Let us be strong! All of us. In the 1st person plural. Let us strengthen each other. We’ve been building for this for a long time.